After discovering a community of 470,000 single parents, one expert realized something surprising: no one was teaching the practical side of doing it alone.
In this episode of The Agent of Wealth Podcast, host Marc Bautis is joined by Pat Hankin, business professional, parenting expert, and author of The Field Guide for Single Parents— a practical, no-fluff resource designed to help solo parents navigate the real-world challenges of money, time, and support systems.
In this episode, you will learn:
- Why time and money are deeply connected — and how understanding the value of your time can transform your financial decisions.
- How to build a “composite partner” by creating systems and support networks that replace what a second adult might typically provide.
- The financial realities of separation, including why expenses don’t simply get cut in half — and how to adjust your mindset accordingly.
- Practical tools and strategies to reduce overwhelm, track your responsibilities, and regain a sense of control and agency.
- And more!
Tune in for a candid, empowering conversation on navigating single parenthood with confidence, letting go of perfection, and recognizing the strength and skills you already have.
Resources:
pathankin.com | The Field Guide for Single Parents | Bautis Financial: 8 Hillside Ave, Suite LL1 Montclair, New Jersey 07042 (862) 205-5000 | Schedule an Introductory Call
Disclosure: The transcript below has been edited for clarity and content. It is not a direct transcription of the full episode, which can be listened to above.
Welcome back to The Agent of Wealth Podcast, this is your host Marc Bautis.
Today, I’m joined by a special guest, Pat Hankin.
Pat is a business professional, parenting expert, and author of The Field Guide for Single Parents— a practical, fact-based resource designed to help solo parents navigate everyday challenges with clarity and confidence. Drawing from her own lived experience, as well as insights from an online parenting community of more than 470,000 members, Pat brings a refreshingly honest, no-fluff approach to topics like money, time management, and building support systems.
With a background in finance and systems thinking, she offers actionable strategies that empower single parents to take control of their lives and make smarter decisions for themselves and their families.
Pat, welcome to the show.
Thank you. It’s nice to meet you, Marc.
Same here. I’m looking forward to today’s conversation.
What inspired you to write your book, The Field Guide for Single Parents? I’m curious about your background, the origin of the book, and if you could touch a little bit on who you had in mind when writing it.
Yeah, thank you. So, my background is in business. I actually started as a banker way back when, and then moved into management consulting — which is a fancy way of saying I help companies solve problems. I traveled around the world, and then one day I’m having a child, and it looked like I was going to end up doing this by myself. I couldn’t travel anymore.
So, I rolled out my own consulting firm. The clients I worked with were other financial companies that wanted my expertise based on my experience. That allowed me to move into a more contained role, because a job that requires travel as a single parent is pretty much a no-go.
To fast-forward, I turned that into a company that was at the vanguard of private online market research communities — where companies would come in, and it was like focus groups on steroids.
My portion of that business was handling major financial companies in the United States — Schwab, The Hartford, Bank of America, Citibank — both my old clients and new clients. This gave them a way to engage with a community and field questions about everything from the language they use — which we all know can be kind of obtuse in financial services — to different products, to understanding what people actually need.
It takes a certain amount of skill — it was a learned skill, and pretty new at the time — to moderate one of these communities and keep the conversation going. You’re looking for people to be authentic — people who really want to come in and help each other, as well as help the company they’re engaging with.
During the pandemic, I transitioned out of that and started working with small businesses — Main Street instead of Wall Street. I was helping them get financing during the pandemic, which, if anyone remembers, was pretty chaotic.
Like many people, life really slowed down for me. I’m a high-energy person, and my daughter was off at university, so I started poking around online to see what single parent discussions were out there. I was now on the other side of it, and I had more time to research how people were approaching it.
I found this public community of 470,000 single parents — which is huge. So I emailed the moderators and said, “Could you use some help? I’m actually a professional at doing this.” I never heard back, so I just did it anyway. Which, honestly, many of us can relate to — why wait for permission, right?
What struck me about that community were two things. First, the authenticity of the people — those posting, responding, and helping each other. It wasn’t just a giant rant session. These were people sincerely looking for information about navigating single parenthood.
Second, after a while, I started contributing. Because I had the experience of raising my daughter and my background in finance, I was able to help people.
The feedback I got, Marc, was astounding. It was so positive — almost overwhelming. People just didn’t know this information existed, or they didn’t know how to access it.
At one point, someone asked, “How do I learn about being a single parent? Where do I read about this?” And like a good researcher, I went looking.
There were no real resources. There were memoirs and celebrity stories, but nothing focused on the “blocking and tackling” — the practical challenges of being a single parent.
So I wrote the book using those voices.
Yeah, it’s a topic — I mean, I’ve come across tons of finance books. They all come at it from different angles. Some are really general, some are very specific — but you don’t see many that approach it from the perspective of a single parent.
No, and I think it’s a topic that makes people uncomfortable. They don’t fully understand the scope of this population.
It’s about one in five (or one in four) households, depending on how you measure it. Nineteen million households are headed by single parents. And honestly, I think that number could easily be double, depending on how the census defines it.
What I did was take the main themes I heard in that community — what people were consistently asking — and organized them into this book: money, time, health, relationships, recreation. We don’t talk enough about recreation.
I also brought in a very well-known family therapist here in Boston to add credibility around the psychological aspects.
So it’s a well-rounded, highly practical book meant to serve about 19 million people. Generally, the target age range is 25 to 45, and it’s agnostic as to how someone became a single parent.
It simply recognizes that single parents face a different set of challenges than those who are partnered.
You mentioned time — and you touched on it earlier with travel and your job.
How does time factor into what a single parent goes through? And my guess is that because time is such a constraint, finances are one of the things that can fall through the cracks.
Yeah, exactly. And if you weren’t the person handling finances before — if you were in a partnership — it can feel very emotional and almost insurmountable. Then the question becomes: do you even have the time to figure this out?
So you’re right — time and money are deeply connected. And the starting point for both is the same: take a deep breath, slow down, and figure out where you’re spending your money now and where you’re spending your time now.
From there, we walk through the trade-offs between spending money and spending time.
One tool I include — and I’ve heard it gives people a lot of relief — is a template to estimate the true value of your time. If you work, or even if you don’t work outside the home, what are you effectively earning per hour once you factor in commuting, childcare, and other costs?
If you can outsource tasks for less than that hourly rate, you should. You shouldn’t feel guilty about hiring someone to cut your grass, sending out your laundry, or ordering takeout occasionally.
Those things are sanity-saving — and that’s really what we’re talking about. It’s about finding time in a way that also makes financial sense.
Yeah, that makes sense.
What about systems? Are there systems that are unique to single parents — things they might not think about, or that wouldn’t be necessary in a co-parenting situation?
Absolutely. For single parents, systems rely on involving more people in your life. Unlike someone who has a built-in partner — or even a reliable co-parent — you’re going to depend on a broader network.
That can include everyone from the person who shovels your snow — something that’s top of mind here in Boston this year — to your mechanic, to the nurses at your doctor’s office.
When you intentionally bring those people into your life in a positive way, you build a stronger support system.
If you think about it, you can essentially create a “composite partner” made up of these individuals. Recognizing how critical they are allows you to build routines that include them.
Yeah — and what’s the best way to actually implement that? Do you recommend documenting or brainstorming everything you’re doing and identifying where you can delegate or bring in help?
Exactly. There’s a saying in business: you can’t manage what you don’t measure.
So, start by writing out your tasks.
There’s actually a card game on Amazon — I have no affiliation with it — called Fair Play. It includes about 300 cards representing different household and parenting tasks. The idea is that families divide them up to see how responsibilities are shared.
I like to explain it this way: take all those cards, stack them into one deck — that’s the job of a single parent. It’s a powerful visual. People really stop and think when they see it that way.
From there, you can go through and identify what you can afford to outsource, where you can get help, and even add your own “cards.”
For example, one of mine was needing a fast exit from work. If I got the call that my child was sick, I had to leave immediately. In Boston, parking can be tight — you can get blocked in, and it might take 30 minutes to get your car out.
So I used to tip a parking attendant a few blocks away to make sure my car was always accessible. The stress relief from that alone was enormous.
There are a lot of tips like that in the book — ways to bring people into your “tribe” and make your system work.
But it all starts with writing things down: what you do, who helps you, and who could help you.
The challenge with time for single parents — and it’s not exclusive to them — is that we carry everything in our heads. We feel like we have to do it all ourselves because there’s no one else there. That leads to overwhelm.
System design helps you externalize that — write it down, track your time and finances, and then figure out how to optimize both. We also provide ideas on how to find time when it feels like you don’t have any.
You mentioned earlier that one of the big challenges is when someone wasn’t the one handling the finances in the relationship.
Are there specific challenges for that person? And it’s probably different for the person who was handling the finances, too. Are there different approaches for each, or should they both approach it from the same perspective as a single parent?
I think it’s going to require better collaboration skills for most people, right?
Because before, you could kind of shrug things off and say, “Well, he does this,” or “she does that” — whatever the family structure was. Now, you’re responsible for both sides, or at least you need a solid understanding of everything involved.
It’s really important to tell yourself that you’re going to be okay — you can figure this out.
I interviewed a lot of very wealthy people for some of my clients so we could better understand their behaviors. I remember one woman — I call her Lisa in the book — whose idea of money management was that if the money was in her checking account, she spent it.
I see a lot of people like that.
Yeah — and no judgment. That’s just how their marriage worked.
But then the relationship ended. He moved on, and he had been managing fairly complex investments. Suddenly, she had to learn how to manage her own money.
In Massachusetts, where I live, you’re required to fill out what are called “purple sheets” when you go through a divorce. I’m not sure if New Jersey has something similar. But essentially, you have to list out all your expenses — and for most people, that’s a real eye-opener.
Marc, I imagine that’s similar to the process you take clients through as a wealth manager — understanding what you have so you can manage it effectively.
In this case, her wealth manager said something interesting: “Live your life, and then we’ll figure out how to afford it.”
Now, not everyone has the level of wealth that Lisa had — but I think the sentiment still applies.
Whether you were the one managing finances or not, after a separation, the mindset should be: live your life, and then figure out how to support it financially.
Once you realize you now have ownership over this, it can feel overwhelming — or even discouraging. Maybe you’re thinking, “I can’t just spend whatever’s in my checking account anymore.”
But at the same time, you now have agency — and that’s the key.
Another thing I see is that people are often very unprepared for the actual cost of splitting up.
I’m sure you’ve seen this too. People sometimes assume there’s hidden money somewhere — but in reality, most households are already spending up to their income. Everything is accounted for.
Now, you take that same pool of money and split it between two households. That’s where the real challenge comes in — it’s a fundamental shift in mindset.
Yeah, that’s one of the biggest challenges I see.
It’s not like expenses get cut in half — they often end up being more than half. So even if things were working before with two incomes supporting one household, now you’re asking people to make it work separately.
That usually means lifestyle changes. You may have to spend less or adjust expectations around what your lifestyle looks like going forward.
And going back to your earlier example — the person who spent everything in their checking account — often the other spouse was helping keep that spending in check.
Now, they have full responsibility. Like you said, they have agency — but it can feel like forced agency. They no longer have that built-in constraint.
So yeah, there are definitely a lot of challenges when transitioning into a single-parent model.
Absolutely. And whether you’re working with a financial advisor, a money coach, or another professional, it’s important to recognize that this transition involves a sense of loss.
It’s the loss of the life you thought you had. But it’s also important to ask: what are you gaining? Hopefully, you’re gaining less conflict — especially around money.
That said, it takes time to adjust. This doesn’t happen overnight.
I can relate personally. I was laid off during one of the big recessions when a lot of banks were merging. I was out of work for nearly two years.
Here I was — someone who had put myself through college, built a career — and suddenly I had to rethink everything. I went from spending $2,000 a week on childcare while working long hours to figuring out how to maybe afford a college student to help after school.
So I understand how difficult that transition can be. It takes time.
Yeah, it’s definitely challenging. Have you seen tools that can help with this? Or do you recommend more of a manual approach to help people get their arms around everything?
There are plenty of tools out there. Personally, I’m very analog — it’s just how I learn. I’m a kinesthetic learner, so I process things by writing them down. But others are more visual or digital.
If you already have a bank, I’d start with their tools. I spent a lot of time working with institutions like Schwab and Bank of America, helping develop tools like these — and they’re typically free.
I’ve also heard Fidelity has a strong platform. These tools can guide you through budgeting, and it’s important to understand that a budget isn’t a restriction on your freedom.
This is really about mindset.
A budget gives you control, power, and agency. And you may even find — like I did — that you start to enjoy engaging with your finances.
I like a challenge. I like figuring things out.
Now, I’m trying to teach my daughter — who’s a scientist. She’d much rather be cloning things than thinking about budgeting — but this is a skill that will serve her well.
The real challenge is keeping emotion out of it. Money and emotion are deeply connected.
When it comes to tracking time, money, effort, and even feelings, I really like something called the Bullet Journal.
It’s essentially a blank dot-matrix notebook that you carry with you. The system was created by someone who designed it back in college, and it just works for me.
Like I said, I’m very tactile — the feel of the pages matters to me. Someone gave it to me years ago, and I ignored it at first. I thought, “Ugh, another system to learn.” But during the pandemic, I finally sat down with it — and within five minutes, I got it.
And the benefit is huge. When you write things down, you’re not carrying everything in your head all day.
Yeah, that makes sense. If there’s one piece of advice — or one mindset shift — you’d want every single parent listening today to walk away with, what would it be?
You should know how good you are. I’m actually on a bit of a mission with employers to recognize this: single-parent employees are an asset. The skills you develop — ingenuity, creativity, productivity, collaboration — are incredibly valuable. And if you don’t realize that yet, your toddler will teach you soon enough. These are skills that companies would invest heavily in, and you can’t just learn them from a book. You develop them through real-life experience.
Another important mindset shift is to abandon perfection. Nobody’s perfect. “Good enough” is truly good enough.
In the book, we provide practical tools, downloads, and strategies to help with that.
And I also hope people embrace something that doesn’t get talked about enough — recreation.
The last chapter of the book is about having fun. Nobody really talks about that when it comes to single parenting. But I can tell you — my daughter and I had a blast. We didn’t have a lot of money, but we traveled to all 50 states. It was far less expensive than going to Disney or Paris, and it had a huge impact on her. She’s now a very capable traveler on her own.
When you’re a single parent, you don’t have time to be a helicopter parent — and honestly, your kids are often better for it. So feel good about what you’re doing. You are more than enough — and you’re not alone.
Alright Pat, that’s all the questions I have for you today. Thank you for joining me. I really appreciate you sharing your experiences and expertise. Before we go, where can listeners get a copy of your book or get in touch with you to continue the conversation?
Sure. My website is pathankin.com. The book is available through links on my site to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other major retailers.
I also encourage people to check their local library. It’s already in about 10% of libraries, and it hasn’t been out very long.
If you read it and like it, then go buy it — but it’s really meant to be used. You can write in it, interact with it. More than anything, it’s meant to sit on your bedside table as a companion to help you through this journey. And I wish everyone the best of luck.
Great. We’ll link to that in the resources section of the show notes. Thanks again, Pat. And thank you to everyone who tuned into today’s episode. Don’t forget to follow The Agent of Wealth on the platform you listen from and leave us a review of the show. We are currently accepting new clients, if you’d like to schedule a 1-on-1 consultation with our advisors, please do so below.
Bautis Financial LLC is a registered investment advisor. Information presented is for educational purposes only and does not intend to make an offer or solicitation for the sale or purchase of any specific securities, investments, or investment strategies. Investments involve risk and unless otherwise stated, are not guaranteed. Be sure to first consult with a qualified financial advisor and/or tax professional before implementing any strategy discussed herein. Past performance is not indicative of future performance.
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